I think it's harmless, let me try

As a little girl the lectures, morals and lessons consistently installed into you would have seemed insurmountable by the natural signals of where you found yourself.
You had least expected yourself in what you now find yourself,
You have a vivid memory of how it all started but it ended at the very verge of unprecedented relationship success.
You knew that guy, you naturally loved his charisma but he didn't seem to like you, you've watched him closely and your whole body is whispering 'he's the one'.
Of course you kicked against the mild whispers, that very week someone spoke bitterly against it in your church.
You hate the new feeling of discovering your hips enlarged and your boobs obviously increasing.
Well, now the guys started staring at you, you tried avoiding them to some extent but it didn't work effectively.
You wanted to stay shut in privacy behind a closed door always, your emotions couldn't condone the feelings you got.
You abruptly hated yourself.

An unanticipated pendulum of lit hope started sweeping across your body when your friends spoke of how you felt and how they felt too when it all started,   your confidence began rejuvenation,
Now you fed your dignity and let nature run its course in you.
You suddenly started noticing paved ways and in less time than expected you were proud of being a lady.
The world around you was 'smily'

You now abruptly loved the feeling.

Thence came another pendulum of brilliant hope sweeping across your body. Now he starts noticing you,
Your heart sank
You wanted him
You couldn't believe he chose you
You ran so quick in meeting him..

But some hands held you

The hands of your friends......
They were happy for you but they warned and gave you cautious signals of signs you should run for.
They taught you to act 'lucratively' and not 'cheaply'

The boy on the other hand, noticed its like you aren't cheap after all.

Then he became frightened to approach you.
And you on the other hand, too, was afraid if he approached you.  You fear that he might not like your body or your accent or your smell or your hair or your academic performance or whatever but you still had hope somewhere and you always felt slightly depressed because this was your first time of 'officially falling in love'

Finally he too dressed well with well creased trousers and Kemp hair.

Then he came.

You felt the ground was going to swallow you when he said hi.
You were too shy, he too was.
You smiled just as you were taught and said 'hi'
Now his heart sank.
He was pointless. He started shaking seeing you, your smile, loving your smell, your face.

Then you noticed he was shy and that fed your confidence and you helped the conversation 'how are you, hope you enjoyed the maths class'

He saw you as 'friendly', he got along but was still afraid of asking you out.

Everyone tagged you both, he wanted you, same as you but you'd wait for him.
You guys got along with each other.
Then one day..

He tells you how pretty you are and how you made his heart melt.
He said 'he loves you'.

You were like 'yay' but you didn't show it.
He then asks you out and you said
'yes'

Then the world frowned at you.
It was a worse feeling, you loved him so much, you couldn't stop thinking about him.

He'd promise to marry you.
You're sure he'd.

After three years, you guys had passed through a lot, you guys decided to keep the relationship.

One day, you guys talked and played,
Out of true love he decided to kiss you, your heart started pounding so hardly, you've only watched people kiss, you didn't know how to kiss.
You couldn't deny him of a kiss, then he reached for your lips and kissed you.
Kissing felt like heaven to you, you haven't felt it before, you were happy, very happy.

Nothing else mattered.

Another time came,
But
Tragedy struck because you, now, asked for another kiss.
To your surprise he said 'no'
You begged him so much because y
ou want to feel heaven just like you did the first time.
He insisted 'no' and left your presence.
You were scared of his decision but you knew he loved you too much.

You didn't stop begging him for a kiss..
Finally he allowed another kiss
But this time he kissed out of lust...
If there were anyone you wanted it was him,
He didn't stop kissing and you too didn't stop.
....
You loved it,
Your mind and heart wasn't getting corrupted but you didn't know you were corrupting his.

Until you felt the natural urge for sex, it was then you started being sensitive to his body around you.
You desperately wanted to have your own taste.

You succeeded.
While you kissed you intentionally aroused him, he was enjoying every bit of what you were doing but he was shocked when you stripped yourself shyly.
You expected him to excuse you like he'd always done but he didn't leave.
His eyes ran around you in full lust.

Then it happened...
You gave him your virginity, you loved sex now more...  Much more than the kissing.

Now you're afraid if you'd get pregnant.
Luckily for you after planning on getting an abortion, you discovered that you we're pregnant.

As for the boy,
He said he can't marry you now.
He called you names.
He changed.
He's married to someone else now.
Now, you too changed.
You now hate all men.

It's left for you to choose my dear,
There's a life that surpasses all these.
Be patient.  See what the Bible says

Song of Solomon 8:4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

See verse 10 too
I am a wall and my breast are like towers, I am as one who brings contentment.

A wall?   Towers?
A wall isn't accessible!   But you?  Are you a door? That anyone enters? 
Are towers accessible like flats?
Be wise.

No one might know what you do, trust me, God does!
He's equally willing to accept you if you want to stop.
If you are suffering from any serious sexual addiction you can tell me, I'd help out the way the LORD directs.

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